Dr. Platypus

Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text

WASHINGTON—Unable to rest their eyes on a colorful photograph or boldface heading that could be easily skimmed and forgotten about, Americans collectively recoiled Monday when confronted with a solid block of uninterrupted text.

Dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California gazed helplessly at the frightening chunk of print, unsure of what to do next. Without an illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in, millions were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long, unbroken string of English words.

“Why won’t it just tell me what it’s about?” said Boston resident Charlyne Thomson, who was bombarded with the overwhelming mass of black text late Monday afternoon. “There are no bullet points, no highlighted parts. I’ve looked everywhere—there’s nothing here but words.”

“Ow,” Thomson added after reading the first and last lines in an attempt to get the gist of whatever the article, review, or possibly recipe was about.

(H/T: Joe Carter)

Today is my birthday, and I’ve been thinking about the kind of old guy I want to become, because it’s happening faster than I would have imagined 20 years ago! In chronological order, here are some cool old guys from whom I could stand to learn a thing or two:

1. Yoda. He’s short. He’s not that handsome. But he’s got that whole “power of the force” thing going, and could kick some serious πυγή  in his (relatively) younger days. Plus, I think I edited something he wrote once.

2. Melchizedek. According to rabbinic tradition, he is the patriarch Shem under an assumed name. In any case, he is the ultimate mysterious stranger, “without father or mother or genealogy, without beginning of life or end of days,” who arrives out of nowhere to bless Abram and show him hospitality.

3. Nicholas of Myra. Lover of children, giver of gifts, exiled and imprisoned for his faith. He once even punched out an Arian heretic. According to some, he spends his retirement years distributing toys to good little girls and boys.

4. Atticus Finch. Loving father, brilliant lawyer, champion of justice.

5. Sherman Tecumseh Potter. Ex-cavalryman and exemplary army surgeon. Beloved father-figure to everyone under his command.

6. Emmett Lathrop “Doc” Brown. Inspired though eccentric scientist and inventor. If you’re going to build a time machine, why not put it in a Delorean? He realized his dream of living in the Old West, where men were men and women looked like Mary Steenburgen.

7-8. Arva Sylvester Pursiful Jr. and Darrell Thurman Pursiful. What can I say? My father is and my paternal grandfather was a cool old guy. Devoted husbands, fathers, and grandfathers; among the top in their chosen professions; able to know when to be serious and when to joke around. They’ve given me some mighty big shoes to fill.

9. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Flawed yet honorable. He never stopped learning. He never stopped risking something big for something good.

10. Johnny Cash. An almost perfect synthesis of Saturday night and Sunday morning.

11. Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Just because I wish I could pull off that head slap thing he does and/or magically appear behind someone who’s talking about me.

Before you answer, check out this video:

I must confess, I didn’t realize that manna takes the form of communion wafers.

(H/T: Michael Bird)

Thanks to Jim West for this one (although I’m not sure which one is his wife).

When I was a pastor, I always asked Connie’s permission before featuring her or her family in any sermon illustrations. Usually she was cool with it, but the one or two times she exercised her veto power probably strengthened our marriage.

NC church plans to burn Bibles, Christian books.

As a character in the book my wife is reading says, “I think everyone should have [a library card]. Reading is fundamental, and if more fundamentalists read, there might be fewer of them.”

At least they’re not burning witches.

Seems the Mayans are sick of hearing about the year 2012.

And anyway, Mayas in the drought-stricken Yucatan peninsula have bigger worries than 2012.

“If I went to some Mayan-speaking communities and asked people what is going to happen in 2012, they wouldn’t have any idea,” said Jose Huchim, a Yucatan Mayan archaeologist. “That the world is going to end? They wouldn’t believe you. We have real concerns these days, like rain.”

Maybe there should be some kind of community exchange program where the liberals could use it one week and the conservatives the next.

(H/T: Pseudo-Polymath)

According to this post by James McGrath, Conservapedia (which I’d never heard of) is apparently scandalized by the fact that portions of the Bible are *gasp!* open to varying interpretations. Their response to to create a “booby-trapped” translation (to borrow a phrase from Bart Ehrman) that is impervious to the misconstruals of liberals.

Or, to put it another way, the plan is to replace what the text says, which is open to other interpretations than their own, with a rendering that will say what they think the text means and really ought to have said. These “translators”, if they are serious, are exalting themselves above the Bible and, from the perspective of conservative Christianity, above God. How that shores up a conservative understanding of the Bible is hard to fathom.

I sort of miss the days when people actually took the time to defend their beliefs. Just call me an old fuddy-duddy.

As a former geography major, I loved this clip from The West Wing:

(H/T: Euangelion)