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Five More Prehistoric Beasts that Could Stand In for Mythical Monsters
If the past week of web stats are any indication, my readers are really into prehistoric beasts. At least, you all really seemed to appreciate last Friday’s post on the subject. In that vein, I thought I’d write about a few more interesting beasties and how they might find their way into world mythology…
1. Teratorns
Argentavis magnificense by Wikimedia user: Stanton F. Fink / GFDL
Members of the family Teratornithidae were huge, condor-like birds. There were numerous species with wingspans ranging from 12 up to 20 feet. One of their number, Argentavis magnificens, is the largest flying bird ever discovered. Traditionally, teratorns have been thought of as large scavengers, very much like oversized condors, owing to considerable similarity with these birds. Their long beaks and wide gapes, however, are more like the beaks of eagles and other actively predatory birds than those of carrion-eaters. Most likely, teratorns swallowed their prey whole. Argentavis could have swallowed up to hare-sized animals in a single gulp.
Teratorns have long be hypothesized as the basis of the Thunderbird legend in Native American mythology. This formidable spiritual power is described an enormous bird—according to many Northwestern tribes, large enough to carry a killer whale in its talons as an eagle carries a fish. The Thunderbird is responsible for the sound of thunder and, in some cases, lightning as well.
Native American groups have different traditions regarding the Thunderbird. In some tribes, they are considered extremely sacred forces of nature. In others, they are considered powerful but otherwise ordinary members of the animal kingdom.
2. Amphicyonids
Amphicyonids or “bear dogs” bear a similarity to both bears and dogs (obviously). They are members of the order Carnivora and the suborder Caniforma (i.e, “dog-shaped” carnivores). Early amphicyonids such as Daphoenodon had a digitigrade posture, the same as dogs and cats. Many later and larger species walked flat-footed like bears, however.
Although many amphicyonids were no larger than ordinary foxes or wolves, some of these creatures were enormous. Euroamphicyon was one of the larger and heavier members of this family, with a body mass estimated to c. 310 pounds. Other genera (Amphicyon, Cynelos, Pliocyon) boasted members who weighed in at around 200 pounds.
In mythology, amphicyonids would seem to make a great stand-in for the hell hounds of Greek legend or perhaps some of the hunting dogs associated with the Wild Hunt of northern Europe.
Another possibility, admittedly more of a stretch, would be to find in amphicyonids a template for the Foo Dogs (or Lion Dogs) of the Far East. These figures seem to be related more closely to architecture and home décor than to folklore, and many insist the “dog” name is in error: they say these figures, which often appear in pairs outside homes, temples, and Chinese restaurants, are simply stylized representations of lions.
3. Entelodonts
If amphicyonids represent hell hounds, we might think of members of the family Entelodontidae as “hell hogs”! These creatures from the forests and plains of North America, Europe, and Asia were not properly of the family Suidae (that is, swine) but rather a closely related group. They were the apex predators in their various ecologies, but they were also indiscriminate omnivores who ate everything from live animals to carrion to plant matter.
Entelodonts had bulky bodies, slender legs, and long muzzles. The largest North American genus, Daeodon, stood almost 7 feet tall at the shoulder. They had heavy, bony lumps on their heads similar to a warthog’s.
Perhaps when king Oeneus of Calydon offended the goddess Artemis, the fierce Calydonian Boar she sent to the region as punishment was a type of Entelodont.
4. Protocetids
Georgiacetus vogtlensis by Wikimedia user: Nobu Tamura / GFDL
Protocetidae are a diverse family of early cetaceans. They were the first cetaceans to disperse from the region of India and Pakistan to all the shallow oceans of the world. They were probably amphibious, and some were probably able to support their weight on land—although others could not. Although there is some controversy over the matter, some believe they gave birth on land.
Grampus (or “Grumpus”) is a dolphin- or porpoise-like creature. Although it presumably lives in the sea, one legend claims a specimen once dwelled in a yew tree near Highclere Church in Hampshire, England. It was apparently not especially dangerous, although its presence terrified the villagers until the local priest banished it to the Red Sea.
Other amphibious creatures might be identified with family Protocetidae. For example, the dobhar-chú (loosely “water hound”) of Ireland might be some sort of otter-like proto-whale. This creature is said to have characteristics of both a dog and an otter, though it is sometimes described as half-dog, half-fish. It is definitely a mammal, though, as it has fur. The word is often Anglicized as doyarchu or dhuragoo.
5. Mesonychids
Synoplotherium vorax by Wikimedia user: Dmitry Bogdanov / GFDL
Simply put, mesonychids are hooved carnivores. Although most often described as “wolves with hooves,” this was, in fact, a rather diverse mammalian family. Various species looked liked hoofed bears, hoofed cats, hoofed wolves, etc. Their digits were tipped with hooves rather than claws.
The strongest possibility for inserting mesonychids into world folklore is probably the “Beast of Gévaudan” from France in the 1760s. Some witnesses describe this beast as a huge (horse-sized) creature combining features of wolf, bear, panther, and hyena. Some reported that it had cloven hooves, or that each digit was tipped with a hoof. Others said the claws were so heavy and thick that they merely resembled hooves. This beast would seem to be a great match for a hyena-like mesonychid like the Pachyaena or Harpagolestes.
Maybe the coolest thing about the Beast of Gévaudan is that locals claimed it was a werecreature or a sorcerer who shapeshifted into a fearsome creature. The prospect of a werepachyaena terrorizing the French countryside has awesome written all over it!
A cat-like mesonychid, perhaps a larger cousin of genus Sinonyx, might provide an interesting template for the Far Eastern creature called a bai ze (in Chinese) or hukutaku (in Japanese). This sacred animal is monstrous in appearance, as large as an ox, with both bovine and leonine characteristics. It has hooves and a lion-like body. It is sometimes said to have nine eyes (three on its face and three on each flank) and six horns (two on its head and two on each flank). Alternatively, it has just one extra eye in the center of its forehead, and either one or multiple horns on its head. Perhaps this detail reflects some sort of unusual coat pattern? Or, of course, the extra eyes and horns may be of purely magical origin…
The Irish God of Love
From Celtic Myth Podshow:
It is said that Aengus was troubled by dreams and visions of a beautiful, young maiden. He fell in love with her immediately and started to waste away because he could not find her. His mother Boann searched the whole of Ireland for the maiden, but after a year she still had not found her. The mighty Dagda did the same and also could not find her. Then the great and wise Dagda called on Bodb Dearg, king of the Sidhe in Munster and the Dagda’s aide, to go and find the girl, and she was found at Loch Bel Dracon (the Loch of the Dragon’s Mouth), chained to fifty other girls, all of whom turn into birds.
I wouldn’t recommend asking a King of the Sídhe for help unless you’ve got some serious god cred of your own, however.
The Staff of Serapis
I know someone who’s going to be very excited to hear this news from Rick Riordan:
As a Valentine’s Day treat for my fans, I’m announcing a new short story, “The Staff of Serapis,” that will appear in the paperback of THE MARK OF ATHENA, publishing onApril 8. In this adventure, Annabeth encounters more oddities in the subway than usual, including a two-headed monster and a younger blond girl who reminds her a little of herself. . . .
Yes, folks, this is the story you’ve asked for, in which Annabeth Chase teams up with Sadie Kane. Dang, it was fun to write the dialogue between those two! This story is a follow-up to “The Son of Sobek,” in which Carter met Percy. Staff of Serapis is even longer, sixty pages, and I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Here’s an excerpt to whet your appetite!
Sunday Inspiration: Love and Understanding
Be loving enough to absorb evil and understanding enough to turn an enemy into a friend.
—Martin Luther King Jr.
Five Prehistoric Beasts That Could Stand In for Mythical Monsters
Following up on this post about cryptids, here are some semi-random thoughts about how speculative paleontology could flesh out some of the creatures of myth and folklore. In particular, here are some possible connections that I kind of love.
1. Creodonts
Creodonts share a common ancestor with members of the order Carnivora. They bear a superficial similarity to large cats or enormous weasels, but are actually quite distinct. I’m thinking the claims about various large Appalachian predators known as the glawackus, the Ozark howler, and the Beast of Bladenboro might fit the bill as contemporary members of this extinct order of mammals. All three of these cryptids are described as being vaguely feline, but not quite. The glawackus, for example, is described as combining the most fearsome characteristics of a lion, a panther, and a bear. The Ozark howler is bear-sized, but seems mostly to resemble a shaggy feline creature. The Beast of Bladenboro seems to combine features of both cats and dogs.
All of this suggests some member of the order Creodonta. Perhaps they would be of the family Oxyaenidae, cat-like beasts that walked on flat feet like a bear. They had a short, broad skull, deep jaws, and teeth designed for crushing rather than shearing.
A further possible creodont is the water panther of Algonquian legend. This creature might be a member of genus Patriofelis, which was about the same size as a panther and thought to be a good swimmer but a poor runner.
2. Short-faced Bears
Wikimedia user: Dantheman9758 / GFDL
This Pleistocene predator, Arctodus simus, was possibly the largest carnivorous land mammal that ever lived in North America. These enormous predators might give us a template for the “man-eater,” “naked bear,” or “stiff-legged bear” of many Native American mythologies. This creature was apparently a gigantic, stiff-legged and hairless beast as big as an elephant.
Some even speculate that legends of the man-eater represent the dim memory of mammoths and mastodons that once roamed North America. But there are a number of arguments against this theory. First, the creature is described as being a gigantic bear—a creature that Native Americans would have known quite well. Second, as the name might suggest, the man-eater is a carnivore, while mammoths and mastodons were herbivores. Finally, man-eaters are never mentioned as having a trunk.
3. Gigantopithecus
This one is actually fairly commonplace. Among those who believe creatures like the yeti or sasquatch are real, many assert that they are, in fact, gigantopithecines. Gigantopithecus blacki was the largest primate that ever lived, reaching almost ten feet in height if it stood upright. Paleontologists are actually fairly certain this enormous creature walked on all fours like a gorilla, but a minority view holds that they were bipedal.
Members of genus Gigantopithecus are pongines, meaning they are close relatives of the orangutan. Darren Naish follows this same reasoning in the Cryptozoologicon, explaining that the yeti or sasquatch is a bipedal pongine, “convergently similar to hominins in some ways but different with respect to the details of anatomy, gait and behaviour.” In most legends, sasquatch (by whatever name) are incapable of human speech and communicate, rather, by means of whistles, grunts, and gestures.
Depending on what you imagine as far as a sasquatch’s intelligence or behavior, one might also suggest it is more closely related to humans. Several Native American legends have a bigfoot-like creature that is described as an ogre, perhaps an over-large descendant of Paranthropus boisei or something similar. In some legends, sasquatch are able to mate with human women. This would not be genetically possible by either of these theories, however, barring some sort of magical intervention.
4. Elasmotheres
Members of the genus Elasmotherium are close relatives of the rhinoceros, as evidenced by the prominent horn of keratin protruding from their forehead. They are also fairly closely related to horses and tapirs as members of the order Perissodactyla. A conjectural “pygmy” elasmothere might be a Clydesdale-sized creature adapted for fast running on open grassland. With longer legs than rhinos, they would have a galloping, horse-like gait.
Of course, I am describing a unicorn—or at least something very similar to the unicorns first described by Ctesias and Pliny in ancient times. Such creatures would have hooved toes, four on their forelegs and three on their hindlegs, precisely as some medieval sources describe. Behaviorally, they might well be every bit as irascible as their rhinoceros cousins, also in keeping with the earliest strands of unicorn-lore.
5. Prehistoric Giraffids
Giraffids are a family of even-toed ungulates. Today they are represented solely by giraffes and okapis. In prehistoric times, however, they were much more diverse. I suspect one or another genus of prehistoric giraffids might make a fine template by which to understand the qilin or “Chinese unicorn“—which isn’t properly a unicorn at all as it is usually depicted with two horns. Perhaps something like Shansitherium fuguensis would fit the bill.
Giraffids are ruminants closely related to cattle and deer. Their horns, called ossicones, are covered in skin. Like the ossicones of giraffes, those of the qilin are reported to be blunt rather than sharp, which has been taken as an indication of the animal’s peaceful nature. A tesselated coat pattern like a giraffe’s might give the impression that the creature has scales on its back. Like the okapi (and unlike giraffes), the qilin is apparently a solidary creature.
In Asian art, qilin show great variety in physical appearance. All qilin have a deer-like body and cloven hooves. Japanese, Korean, and the earliest Chinese depictions agree that the qilin bears at least a superficial resemblance to a deer.
A Sign of the Times?
I wonder if they went around posting notices like this in the days of Noah…
Sneak Preview: “The Man in Black” (4)
He scowled at Taylor and broke into a trot.
Taylor gasped and started to run, but he was too fast—faster than should have been possible. In an instant he had grabbed her by the arm and pulled her off the path and into the trees. She tried to scream, but he clamped his hand tightly across her mouth before she even knew what was happening. She tried to kick, but he was too strong.
He threw her onto the ground. As she looked up, the stranger was standing nearly on top of her. Something about him had changed, and not in a good way. He was still tall and dressed all in black, like undertakers always dressed in the old Westerns her Grandpa Miller liked to watch. But now she could see he was carrying an empty burlap sack in his hand. What most concerned Taylor, however, was the man’s face.
His skin was mottled gray with splotches of pink, and his bushy unibrow made him look like he was wearing a fur-lined sun visor. His teeth were yellow and misshapen. There was a hard, brown wart on the end of his chin.
“Easy does it, chica. I don’t want to hurt you,” the man hissed.
He grinned a disgusting, toothy grin and reached toward her. Then he fell back, bowled over by dog that had appeared out of nowhere. It was lanky and medium sized with a tapering snout and short black fur. A Labrador retriever?
The dog chomped down on the strange man’s right hand, the one that held the sack. He fell to the ground, roaring in anger and pain, but the dog didn’t let go. It growled and shook its head back and forth. Taylor inched away and hid behind the nearest tree. Something in the back of her head told her to run, but she couldn’t convince her body to cooperate.
Uncle Waldo threw off the dog, which yelped as it hit the ground. He rose to one knee, nursing his arm.
Somehow the dog disappeared, but in its place crouched Danny Underhill. “Back off!” he yelled. Uncle Waldo growled. Taylor’s head swam.
“Oh…my…” she whispered.
Danny sprung forward, and this time Taylor saw him change. In midair, his face lengthened into a muzzle. His body shifted, compacted. His khakis and red polo shirt were overrun with sleek, black fur, and his hands and feet turned into paws. By the time he bowled into the stranger, he had turned back into a dog!
Uncle Waldo rolled on the ground, trying to regain his footing. The black Lab grabbed the tail of his coat in his teeth and held on tight. His eyes glowed like there was a fire inside his skull and his eyes were glass windows tinted yellow.
The stranger pulled himself out of his coat. The dog—could this really be Danny Underhill?—spat it out, growled, and bared his fangs. Uncle Waldo lifted his hands to shield himself from the next attack. And attack Danny did. He pounced on the stranger again. This time, the man with the sack took a bite to his throat and fell back bleeding. He shouted in fury, then threw the dog off him and scrambled away.
By this time, Taylor was hyperventilating. She sat on the ground at the base of her tree as Danny, who had once again turned into Danny, ran to her.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
Cryptozoology + Paleontology = Awesomeness
Paleontologist Darren Naish and artists John Conway and C.M. Kosemen have collaborated to explore cryptids from around the world and speculate about how these monsters might actually fit into our world from an ecological and biological point of view. Their work is titled Cryptozoologicon: The Biology, Evolution, and Mythology of Hidden Animals (Irregular Books, 2013). Based on Annalee Newitz’s review at i09, it looks really interesting. Newitz writes,
What’s so fascinating about this book, written by paleontologist Darren Naish, and artists John Conway and C.M. Kosemen, is that it respects both the legends behind these monsters and the science that debunks them. It’s a complicated merger between speculative fiction and scientific analysis, which the group also showcased in their previous collaboration, All Yesterdays.In that book, the group explored new directions in how to depict ancient animals, with often mind-blowing results. WithCryptozoologicon, they are trying something more speculative still. They’ve put together an extensive collection of cryptids from around the world, drawn them in gorgeous panels, and provided both a scientific debunkery as well as an enthusiastic, fictional endorsement of the creature’s existence.
Each entry contains three sections: (1) the accounts of the creature that others have given, (2) an evaluation of those accounts, and (3) a speculative description of what that creature might be, if in fact it existed (and apparently their assessments of this range from “no way” to “well, maybe”).
For example, the writers come to the following creative explanation for the notorious chupacabra:
Clearly, the Chupacabra is a semi-bipedal, nocturnal, predatory marsupial, the likes of which is unknown to science. Equipped with a long, robust tail, forelimbs proportioned something like those of a primate, and an ability to leap and climb, this sharp-toothed predator (which we name Deinoroo caprophagus) is convergently similar to the Australasian macropods in some respects but is actually a very large opossum. Indeed, the formidable dentition, strong jaws and enlarged upper canines of opossums required little evolutionary modification to produce a large-bodied predator.
This whole project sound a lot like what I have attempted to do with the various eldritch races in Into the Wonder as well as my (as yet unpublished) musings about how Jersey devils, Ozark howlers, unicorns, and other creatures of myth might work from an evolutionary/paleontological perspective.
Sneak Preview: “The Man in Black” (3)
“Taylor?” Danny Underhill whispered. Danny was about Taylor’s height, his nose was a bit large, and currently there was a pimple on the inside thatch of his bushy eyebrow that was threatening to erupt. Taylor had been worried since February that Danny had a crush on her.
She glanced in his direction.“Is this right?” He scooted a piece of paper her way. Taylor gave it a cursory glance and scooted it back to him with a nod.
Five minutes until the bell.
Jill always asked Taylor to look over their homework. As much as Taylor loved her, the girl couldn’t do math to save her life. Taylor never minded helping out her few friends, but it was just fine with her that nobody else seemed to notice how smart she was.
Nobody except for Danny Underhill.
Danny was a transfer student from some place up north. His family moved to Macon shortly after her birthday in February—which seemed weird, but whatever. She didn’t know much about him except that he seemed like a nice enough kid in a geeky, no-social-skills sort of way. But he was always looking for an excuse to start up a conversation with her. Taylor had spent the last two months trying not to encourage him.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Don’t mention it.”
“Mr. Underhill? Miss Smart? Do you need my help?” Mr. Barfield said.
“N-no, Mr. Barfield,” Danny said. “I think I’ve got it now.”
“Losers,” Shelby muttered.
“I’ll have none of that!” Mr. Barfield said. He had pretty good hearing for an old guy.
Taylor noticed Jared McCaughey glancing at her from across the room. He smiled at her, and she immediately plunged her nose into her homework. Her face turned red, but she couldn’t help but smile. If only he would ask her for help with his schoolwork!
The bell rang as Mr. Barfield reminded them about the test coming up tomorrow. If anybody heard him, they didn’t let on. Rather, everybody bolted for the door like horses at the starting gate in the Kentucky Derby.
In a matter of minutes, she was at her locker. Directly across the hall, Danny fumbled with his combination.
“So, Taylor,” a voice behind her called. It was Shelby again. Of course. “Do you have plans this weekend with your boyfriend?”
“Who—?” Taylor began, but Shelby’s giggles signaled that something was up. Danny, still trying to get his locker open, turned several shades of pink all at once.
“I’d take him if I were you,” Shelby said. “I mean, it’s not like you can afford to be choosy! And is it just me, or have your ears gotten bigger since last year?”
Shelby was joined by her best friend, Jasmine Brown.
“What do you think, Dannyboy?” Jasmine said. “You want to ask her out?”
If anything, Danny turned ever redder. He finally got his locker open, but that only made things worse. Danny had one of the messiest lockers in school. As soon as the door flung open, a stack of textbooks and loose papers plopped to the floor.
“Cut it out, Shelby,” Taylor said through gritted teeth.
“Hey, we’re just trying to help,” Shelby teased. “We know it’s hard for some girls to get a boyfriend. If we can nudge things along…”
Taylor rounded on Shelby, and there was something different in her voice, an unexpected power or confidence. “I said, Cut it out.”
Her blue eyes turned icy cold. Shelby and Jasmine turned suddenly pale. Jasmine leaned on Shelby for support, as if her legs had turned to jelly. Both girls’ mouths dropped open.
“C-come on, Jasmine.”
They silently slinked away without another word.
Taylor stood there, dumbfounded. “That was interesting,” she said to herself.
“Whoa,” Danny sighed. “That’s some kind of death-glare you’ve got. Think you could teach me?”
“I…uh…No.”
She grabbed what she needed from her locker and joined the small clutch of kids streaming out the main entrance.
This wasn’t the first time Taylor had been able to scare off somebody who was bothering her. Last winter, she did the same thing to Cassie White. Cassie was giving her a hard time in the girl’s locker room after gym class. Taylor had a note from her doctor that excused her from activities whenever her asthma was acting up, and Cassie was teasing her about not being any good at sports. Taylor got so frustrated she felt like she could shoot laser beams out of her eyes. One look and Cassie choked up. She just walked away on the verge of tears.
And then there was the time she was home alone with her mom one afternoon and a vacuum-cleaner salesman showed up at their door. Mom was busy cooking supper, and Taylor learned the hard way that vacuum-cleaner salesmen didn’t like to take “no” for an answer. Then she looked him square in the eye and said, “I told you, We’re not interested.” The poor man dropped his clipboard as he retreated across the lawn.
“Death-glare,” Danny called it.
Most kids had to wait for the bus or for their parents to pick them up in the carpool line. Taylor lived less than a mile from school, so she walked home. Usually, it was just her and Jill.
The quickest way home was through the park three or four blocks from the schoolhouse. On a nice day like today, she and Jill loved to watch the birds and the squirrels, maybe sit and talk on the swings.
Today, there were just a couple of moms with preschoolers.
Something distracted her, a movement in the trees. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something was wrong. She suddenly had goosebumps all over her arms despite the warm afternoon sun. She took in her surroundings, and though nothing seemed out of the ordinary, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched.
Taylor pressed on. She made a point to steer as clear of the trees as she could. Whatever it was, it was hiding in those trees. Another hundred feet and she would be past the park and only a block from her house.
Then the stranger came into view from the other direction. He was tall, pale, with a sour expression on his face.
It was Uncle Waldo.
Sneak Preview: “The Man in Black” (2)
Taylor didn’t mind the C-minus on her English paper, but she knew her parents were going to blow a gasket. Every report card, they had the same argument. “You’re a smart girl,” they would say. “Your teachers all say you’re very bright. Would it hurt you to try a little bit harder?”
The truth was, Taylor thought it probably would. Simply put, school was boring. It didn’t matter that she could usually get B’s in every class while barely trying. She had figured out a long time ago that nobody was ever going to teach her the things she was most interested in. When Mr. Barfield explained geometry, she wanted to know how his proofs about different kinds of angles would work if the triangles were drawn on a sphere instead of a flat surface. “You’ll get to that in college,” he said. Well, she was interested in that now!
That’s why she was so angry with Mrs. Markowitz. If she really was so far ahead of her classmates, what harm could there be in letting her study something that actually interested her? Instead, she had to write yet another brain-numbing report about stuff she had known since forever.
Taylor mostly quit caring about grades and schoolwork around the fourth grade. She had hoped her Greek mythology paper would be her crowning achievement: a paper written in one night with no prior research at all—just what was already in her head. She found it much more challenging—exciting, in fact—to wait until the last minute to finish her assignments, just to see if she could still land a good grade. And of course, she usually could.
A C-minus was not her definition of a good grade. She wondered how much trouble she was going to be in when she got home.
First, however, she had to get through fourth period. After Mrs. Markowitz’s impromptu meeting, she was almost certain to be late. She weaved through the corridors, trying not to get crushed as she made her way to Mr. Barfield’s room.
As Taylor navigated the halls, she tried to keep her head down, braced against any idiot classmates who weren’t looking where they were going. Of course, some of them know exactly where they were going but found ways to bump into her anyway. That came with the territory, Taylor supposed. Middle school was hard enough for a natural loner like her. It didn’t help that she was also pale, scrawny, and asthmatic.
“You did get my invitation, right?” a girl called ahead of her. Taylor looked up in surprise, only to see it was Shelby Crowthers. Thankfully, she was talking to somebody else. “Dad has reserved a room at the country club for Saturday night. It’s going to be the best birthday party ever! It’ll be a hundred times better than Jared’s lame party.”
Shelby Crowthers was pretty, popular, and rich—all the things Taylor wasn’t. Naturally, they hated each other. Taylor considered one of the high points of her year to be last September when she convinced her dad not to buy a car from Shelby’s dad’s car dealership—even though it boasted some of the best deals in central Georgia.
If only she could convince Mr. Crowthers to move to Australia.
Taylor wasn’t in a mood for a fight, but Shelby was standing in front of Mr. Barfield’s room, and the bell was going to ring any second. She didn’t have a choice but to wait there for her to finish arranging her social calendar. She probably should have kept her mouth shut, but she just couldn’t help herself.
“How inconsiderate of Jared to have a birthday the same week as yours,” she mocked.
“Jared’s party is fine with me,” Shelby sniffed. “It’ll just make it that more obvious who is who. The cool kids will be with me at the country club. The rest of you losers will just have to hope for the best.”
“All I’m hoping for is that you would just go away.”
“Dream on, honey. And are they ever going to do something about those eyes of yours?”
Taylor blushed. Shelby had said since third grade that Taylor’s eyes were funny. They were too far apart, she said, and Taylor looked like she was part goldfish. Plus, they weren’t a deep, pretty blue like Shelby’s, but washed-out and pale.
She sighed, rolled her not-pretty eyes, and sidestepped Shelby to enter the classroom. Shelby and her best friend, Jasmine, followed behind, along with Danny Underhill, Jared McCaughey, and the rest of the stragglers.
She took her usual seat in the back row and wished again that her best friend didn’t have the flu. Even though Jill’s brother William (never “Bill”) was kind of a dork, she and Jill had been best friends since fourth grade. The two girls lived across the street from each other. Jill would understand about Mrs. Markowitz. She was always there to listen to Taylor gripe—and to smack some sense into her when necessary.
“C’mon, your life is pretty good,” she could hear Jill say. “You’re super-smart, and really good at music and stuff. Plus, you’ve got about the coolest parents ever.”
The last part, which Jill never failed to point out, was the subject of ongoing debate between them. Jill insisted Taylor’s parents were much cooler than her own. Taylor wished they weren’t quite as strict and had a little bit more money. Though she had to admit she always knew her parents were in her corner, no matter what. They had fun family vacations every summer, and visits to Grandma Smart’s house for Christmas were definitely the best.
But on top of everything was the fact that they had chosen her.
Nobody knew anything about her biological parents. Taylor figured they were probably unmarried teenagers who at least had the sense to know they had no business trying to raise a baby. Whatever the case, the Smarts were her parents now—not because they had to be, but because they wanted to be. And stern lectures about schoolwork aside, most days that was something for which Taylor was very grateful.
Taylor came up from her daydream enough to realize that her balding, ruddy-faced teacher was already well into his geometry lecture. He had written about half a dozen diagrams on the board and a whole list of things that looked like they were important. Taylor jotted them down, half-listening to whatever it was Mr. Barfield was rambling on about. She figured out what page she was supposed to be on and scrambled to open her textbook without anyone noticing she was coming late to the game.
After about thirty minutes, he gave them a set of problems to work. Taylor finished them all in about fifteen. Most of her classmates would be taking at least a few of them home for homework.
She counted down the minutes until the last bell. Without Jill there, she had no one to pass notes to or to help her make fun of Shelby behind her back. Mr. Barfield was bent over Tommy Morgan’s desk, explaining basic geometry to the poor boy for what must have been the hundredth time.
She looked out the window. The sky was sunny and clear, but a stiff breeze blew through the trees. The school groundskeeper was mowing the grass outside her window.
Across the street, a fat lady in neon pink sweat pants was walking her poodle. A funny-looking guy in a dark suit stood on the corner as if he was lost. Taylor realized it was Uncle Waldo. What is he doing out there? she thought. That alien undead Justin Bieber fan was really starting to creep her out.
She wondered if he was one of those guys her Dad always slammed the door on when they came by wanting to tell them about their religion, but those types always seemed to travel in pairs. No, Taylor couldn’t imagine Uncle Waldo having any friends. And she definitely didn’t want to join any religion that would have him as a member. It was almost spooky the way he always seemed to show up lately. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she had even noticed him ducking around the corner of the restaurant when her folks went out for dinner last Sunday. Taylor’s neck hairs tickled her collar.
The lady’s dog nipped at Uncle Waldo, who bent down and yelled something. Fifi (or whatever its name was) twisted its leash around its human’s legs, and she nearly fell over. Taylor couldn’t help but giggle, and the spell of dread was broken. It was a perfect April afternoon, after all, and she couldn’t wait to enjoy it.
Darrell J. Pursiful 